Martini Mischief

Hey Martini Mischief…I love your blog and thought I’d submit one of my misadventures.  It’s definitely one of the most embarrassing things to happen to me.

 I had recently broken up with a guy I had been dating for three years.  I thought our relationship was going nowhere, and so I ended things, to his surprise.  So, a little more than a year later I really regretted my decision.  I missed Jon terribly, and no guys that I had met even began to measure up to him.  I hadn’t heard from, or seen John since our break-up, but I’d heard that he was dating someone, pretty seriously, and I was suddenly feeling really jealous.  I figured that if I could have even ten minutes alone with him, I could talk him into getting back together.

 My best friend, Leticia, who works with Jon’s sister-in-law, found out that Jon was going to be at this really swanky restaurant on a particular Saturday night.  Lety and I concocted this scheme, where I would wear this really tight, really short dress, and some awesome shoes, and just “happen” to walk by his table.  I would look so unbelievably hot that Jon would totally forget this new girl, and want to get back with me.

 Not knowing what time Jon would show up at this restaurant, Lety and I showed up to bar about 9pm.  The dress was completely awesome, and so were the shoes; the heels on these shoes were like 3-1/2” high, and were the sexiest shoes I had ever worn.  Lety and I were drinking martinis, because it completed the sophisticated look we were going for.

 Anyway, Jon came in a while later, and Lety thought it was best for me to wait until after they ordered dinner to walk by.  I kept sneaking peaks at them, while they drank their wine, and looked at the menu.  They finally ordered and I got ready to strut my stuff.  As I got close to the table, two things happened at once: 1) I saw what looked suspiciously like an engagement ring on the Jon’s girlfriend’s finger, 2) I bumped into a passing waiter, causing him to spill a tray of drinks and appetizers.  I promptly fell flat on my ass, in the middle of the mess, and all the noise caused Jon and his girlfriend to notice me sprawled on the floor.  Jon helped me up, and hugged me, and introduced his girlfriend, and then Lety walked over and made excuses to get me out of there. 

 Outside in the parking lot, I asked Lety how bad it might have looked to Jon.  She said, it wasn’t the fall that was so bad.  It was the fact that my ass was covered in red wine and spinach and artichoke dip!

 Anyway that’s my story.  I look forward to reading more your blog posts.

 Jacinda

Portland, OR

Here’s my Martini Story:

This happened a couple of years ago.  I was really interested in this guy (Terry), but I wasn’t totally sure that he was into me.  We would flirt here and there, but nothing had really come of it.  One day he invited me to this new place that opened, a place called Vigor, which had this awesome bar and a dance floor.  I was really excited, and while we weren’t exactly calling it a date, I figured we might end the evening together.

That afternoon, I went to my hairstylist and got highlights and a blowout, which looked really good.  As I was getting dressed, my sister came over and she made Cosmopolitans for us.  She was dating a bartender, and she had learned some tricks from him.   So we were drinking Cosmo’s, and shooting the shit, when she got the great idea to get my makeup done at the Chanel counter.  This made a lot of sense since it was such an important night, so we called and made an appointment for me.  I would just go on to my “date” from getting my new “face”.

The makeup consultant was really nice, and she assured me that she would pick out the best colors for my skin tone.  I was feeling really loose and relaxed while she was making me up, when my sister called me to ask if I got to the club ok.  I didn’t realize I was running late!!  So, I told the consultant that I had to run, she said she would write down the makeup she had picked out in case I wanted to come back and purchase it, and I left…running out to get a taxi.

At the club, I had no trouble finding Terry and his friends.  I was so excited to be there.  I ordered a martini, and found that Terry was staring at me, and not in a pleasant way.  He told me as gently as possible that I should look at my face in the mirror.  That’s when I realized that I hadn’t actually looked in the mirror when I was done at the makeup counter.
I ran to the ladies room, and I almost screamed in horror.  The makeup lady had only done half my face!!!!!!!!  Even the lipstick!!!  Everything.  Half of my face was naked, half of my face was too heavily made up in bright pinks and blues.  It was awful.

Anyway, I called Terry from my cell and told him I was going home.  He understood.  It was the most embarrassing night of my life.  Every time I think about it, I cringe.

And I don’t drink Cosmopolitans anymore.

Amy B.

Hey, I don’t know if this is really in the same vein as your other stories, but it’s true and it involves martinis.  I don’t mind if you put it up on your website.  

Three Christmases ago, our family  my parents, my mother’s parents, my two sisters, my brother in law and I – decided to celebrate Christmas away from home.  Since everyone has grown up, and now lives in different states, it’s gotten harder for everyone to get home for the holidays. 

Well, my mom found this 5 star hotel with a great Holiday package, and so she arranged for all of us to meet there and spend the holiday week there.  My older sister Julie had been saving to get our parents a really nice video camera.  I mean pretty expensive.  She’s a graduate student, getting her doctorate, and she doesn’t make much money, so she had been saving for close to a year.  She figured our parents would really like having the camera, and they could record all of us together for the week.

 Christmas Eve, my sisters and my brother in law and I were hanging out at the pool (indoor of course!).  We had had wine with dinner earlier, and now Tim my b-i-l was bringing us drinks from the bar.  It’s pretty safe to say that we were all feeling pretty good.  Julie had been drinking cosmopolitans, and at some point she hit upon the brilliant idea that she could improve upon the camera, by taking an underwater video.  Well, I won’t bore you with the ins and outs.  Suffice it to say, the camera ended up at the bottom of the pool.  I don’t really remember much more of that night.

 The next afternoon, we were all feeling pretty horrible.  We had gathered in our parents suite to exchange gifts.  Julie had the camera box in her hand but couldn’t figure out why it was unwrapped, and she was accusing all of us of doing it.  When our parents opened the box, of course, there was nothing inside!  That’s when it hit all of us… 

Bottom line, the camera ended up at the front desk.  The person at the desk was trying hard not to laugh, our parents were aghast by the whole thing, and Julie was both angry at herself and embarrassed by everything.  And the camera?  Well, the water ruined it of course…

  Brandon Guilford

 Ok, I saw your site and thought it was pretty funny.  So here’s my martini story.  I don’t really come out looking good in it…but it is pretty funny.

 I went out with a few friends on a Saturday night, for drinks and appetizers, before a trip to the midnight movies.  We went a local dive, that is pretty popular with my crowd.  I am a lightweight when it comes to drinking and usually stop with one drink.  I had 3 appletinis;  I should have known that meant trouble.

 Then we went to the movies.  Sat up in the back on the side, where it’s kinda dark. In these older movie theatres, the balcony sections in the corners are actually really dark!   I sat next to the guy I was kinda seeing (no engagement ring or anything, but together for about 5 months).  He and I start making out, which is something I don’t normally do in  public…

 Then there was some shuffling around…someone went to the bathroom, someone went to get popcorn, we were creating a commotion in general.  When everyone got back, I started making out with my guy again.   Flash forward…end of movie…lights come up…and I haven’t been making out with MY guy; I’ve been making out with this guy who was the date of my friend!!!  I’d never even met him before that evening.  I was embarrassed, my friend was angry; the guy knew it was me, and just figured, hey…I was really into him. 

 So, that was four years ago.  I don’t keep up with most of the people from that evening out, but I married the guy I made out with.  He’s pretty proud of that fact.

 Cara Lyn Spence

I don’t know if this is what you want, but something interesting happened to me once, after drinking a martini.

 My name is Anna and I had a good friend, Jenna, when I was living in Tennessee, just outside of Memphis.  Jenna had a horrible boyfriend, who I simply hated; he was just bad news: constantly unemployed, mean spirited, lazy, and selfish.  I couldn’t figure out why my friend was so in love with him.

 One night I was at her place, and we were drinking dirty martinis.  Not a lot.  But she was crying about her boyfriend once again.  And now she believed that he was out somewhere cheating on her, because he was being secretive about his whereabouts for the evening.

 The dude’s brother called Jenna, looking for Mike (his name); and she managed to find out from him that Mike was out at this subdivision, doing God only knows what.  So, of course, she wants to drive out there, to confront him.   Against my better judgment, I agree to go with her, if only to keep her out of jail for assault or something.

 We drive out to the middle of nowhere, got lost 2 or 3 times, before we found the place; and then we had to drive around looking for his car.  I had never been enthusiastic about this plan, but I was definitely against any type of confrontation by the time we found his piece of shit car. 

 Jenna said she wanted to confront him alone; and for me to wait outside on the front porch.  So she rings the bell, he answers, and she starts wailing on him, and he’s yelling at her, and then she goes inside to investigate, because he tells her that he got a job painting this house.  (Hard to believe, but it’s the truth.)  I’m still waiting on the porch, and it’s close to midnight.  I can hear them talking more calmly, then making up, because the windows are open.  And then amazingly, I can hear them having sex.  Loudly!

 I try the door, but it’s locked.  I go back to the car, it’s locked.  I’m stuck outside in a foreign neighborhood, bait for Ted Bundy or some other serial killer.  I keep ringing the doorbell, and they never come down.  Eventually a police car rolls up, and I’m not sure what to say.  He’s asking me what’s going on here, there have been complaining calls.  I tell him my predicament, and he can hear them up there, because they’re so fucking loud.  (They had taken a break, and started up with the sex again.)  The police officer says the car will have to be towed, because it’s parked in the middle of the road; (yes, she just left it there.)  I ask him to call me a cab, but he drives me home.  It is almost 2am before I get home, tired and angry.

  I refused to answer or return any of her calls during the next two months.

 I heard later that she married the douchebag.  And that he cheated on her.  And they divorced.  Which she deserved.

 Bitch.

Ok, this is my Martini story…

 This happened in the fall of my junior year of college (I’m not saying what year that was!)   I attended college in Ohio, and like in most college towns there’s a pretty developed downtown area where there are blocks and blocks of bars and restaurants and shops and stuff.

 During the fall term, I was taking a class in Psychology, and the professor was absolutely, devastatingly handsome.  Not having a boyfriend, I developed a fixation on this handsome man, and I kept thinking that if only I had the courage to approach him, something would happen between us.  All of my friends knew about this gigantic crush I had, and they used to tease me about it.

 One night, I was out drinking with like 6 or 7 other people.  We started out at this one club, and then met up with some others at another spot that was nicer.  At the first place, I had two beers; I then switched to green apple martinis.  (I know now, of course, that that was definitely a bad move.)  My best friend, Darla, pointed out to me that the object of my affections was sitting at a table close to us.  He happened to see me, and he waved, which made me ecstatic.

 My friends then all began egging me on to go up to the table, and ask him out.  And me, with 2 beers and 3 martinis in me, figured that was a pretty good idea.  So I walked up to him, and I said “Hey there, Professor Clarke, I really like you and I wondered if you’d like to go out sometime.”  (Well, that’s what I wanted to say; my guess is what actually came out of my mouth was slightly different.)  And he said something like, “Hi Gabby, that’s really flattering, but no thank you.  And please meet my fiancée.”   Let me tell you I was soooo humiliated.  I have never been so embarrassed as I was in that moment.  I was blushing so hard, that it hurt.  

 And then to make it just that much worse…I threw up all over him.  Darla came and escorted me outside, where I was crying so hard, and threw up a second time.  And then the manager of the bar asked us to leave. 

 I got an incomplete for that class, because I didn’t have the nerve to return.  And I never had another apple martini.

 Gabby Ayala

It was great to get out last night and do a bit of ahem, “research” for the blog. I brought along with me one of my best girlfriends, Whit and my boyfriend, Bear for the ride. Being that as of last night I was still a tini virgin, I allowed my girlfriend to order up my first drink of the night. Why her? Well if Bear had to order for me I would have gotten pink lemonade, because in his opinion, “I really shouldn’t be drinking like that.” It was because of this, coupled with the fact that no matter when I step up to a bar I am ALWAYS ignored, that I let her do the honors.

It’s as if all bartenders have some kind of spidey-senses to ignore me.  Anyway, I anxiously watch the bartender pour the libations while grinning from ear to ear. My friend hands me a Jolly Rancher shot and some other pink drink. After the burning sensation from the shot subsided in my chest, I began to sip on my other mysterious beverage.

I have to say it was pretty darn good. She knew that I only drink fruity drinks, emphasis on the fruity, so whatever she gave me was an excellent drink to get my palate ready for the research to follow. I ordinarily drink everything fast and I had to slow myself down a bit so that I could savor the moment. After a few minutes of dancing, making fun of other people, and taking in the tattoos on the women dressed in bustiers, I decided I was ready.

I handed Whit my camera and told her to take a picture as I walked to the bar, money in hand, to order an Appletini. I was getting nervous watching the amount of vodka going into my drink, but I stayed the course, to enjoy a really good drink. It was REALLY good. I gave her a hug and drank my martini pretty fast, unfortunately. As I’m typing this I realize I have no clue what happened to my glass. I try to be really considerate and place it at the bar, but I don’t think that happened last night. As the club began to fill, my sobriety began to diminish and Bear spent the rest of the night pulling the hem of my dress down trying his hardest to make sure I didn’t show everybody his stuff while I danced all night. Poor guy had to play the sober boyfriend to both of us, especially when a ‘not so handsome’ dude kept trying to hit on Whit, so she lied saying we were both with Bear. Being the bold person that I am, I flirtatiously walked up to the guy and told him to take a picture of all three of us, as we girls kissed him on each cheek. Too funny.

Anyway, my night was great! We all walked out holding hands like a line of kindergarten kids, us girls prancing in our stilettos through downtown.  I had such a blast and am so glad I could remember most of it in order to share it with you.

Check out my pics in the gallery!

Mani